Abse describes Cardiff, his hometown, as holding his 'First everything'; he experienced his 'first / cigarette' and 'first botched love affair' within the walls of the city. It appears that Cardiff holds the majority of Abse's milestone memories - the firsts that he describes are important factors of childhood, possibly regretful learning curves. Abse's use of short sentencing and a caesura makes the sentence 'First everything.' seem dramatic and significant, echoing the importance that these childhood memories hold for him - they are sentimental. He also describes 'Faded torments' suggesting that he was bullied at points within his youth, the word 'Faded' holding connotations of scars - the isolation which he 'indulg[ed]' in effected him in such a way that, although now fragments of his past, he still remembers the events.
The first line of the second stanza holds a slightly mocking tone: 'less a return than a raid'. It appears that Abse is poking fun at his immaturity and anticipation for the future when he was a child, suggesting that his opinions and views have altered with the passing of time, and he has become more knowledgeable about the reality of life. 'Of course the whole locus smaller' - Abse could be making reference to how a child sees everything as big, new and exciting, and with age comes the sad realisation that things are not as we 'dream' them to be, but instead appear as 'toy facade[s]'. This suggestion that maturity brings on a bleak view of reality is also presented in Larkin's poem 'Home Is So Sad', which also looks back upon the past as a happier time.
The third stanza opens with an image of 'Unfocused voices in the wind, associations, clues, odds and ends...' This adds a slight confusion to the tone of the poem; it is as if Abse is clutching at the memories of his past, but with time has come a new perspective and now he finds the truth difficult to find (his childhood is presented as a falsity due to him being naive and unsure of the truth at the time). The lack of identity given to these 'voices' and the vagueness of the phrase 'odds and ends' suggests that Cardiff has become unfamiliar to Abse - it no longer is what he is used to, no longer home. This interpretation is supported in the final line of the fourth stanza: '...a city of strangers, alien and bleak.'
The disappointment of reality is strengthened in the fourth stanza when Abse contrasts Cardiff as 'what [he] wanted it to be' with 'what it unashamedly is'. His hometown is presented as a disappointment, a place which, with time, has become 'alien and bleak'. Abse uses the word 'Illusory' to describe some childlike settings and memories which contrast with the 'real' elements of the present Cardiff which he has revisited, such as the 'smell of ripe, damp earth when the sun comes out, / a mixture of pungencies, half exquisite and half plain.' It could be argued that this contrasting mixture represents Abse's 'exquisite' childhood memories of imagination and adventure contrasting with the 'plain', disappointing reality of the present life he has found himself living.
The final stanza presents Abse's 'other Cardiff' as disappearing (this probably being a reference to the Cardiff which he saw from his childhood perspective), and he describes how 'the boy [he] was not and the man [he is] not / met, hesitated, left double footsteps, then walked on.' It appears that Abse is separating his childhood-self from his adult-self, as if he has become a different person to who he was as a child. He not only presents disappointments within factors of his life and his surroundings, but also with himself: 'the boy I was not and the man I am not'. This suggests that he sees himself as a failure - he was not who he wished to be as a child, and is not who he wishes to be now. This ends the poem with a depressing, pessimistic tone.
No comments:
Post a Comment